believe

I’m done and I don’t care anymore. I’m no longer bitter and I’m ready to move on. If you want to go after a pelican lookin fuck go ahead. I hope you enjoy yourself. Because I know that you don’t like her as much as you liked me. And it’s sad because you probably only like her cuz she’s easy, and to think you could’ve had something real with a CLASSY girl, but because I wasn’t easy you just got up and left and didn’t even try. And yea I did get upset because I thought we actually had something and I really started liking you,but I guess you started feeling differently. And we went from talking all day everyday to absolutely nothing. Then you ignore me like we never even knew each other. Then not even two weeks after you ended everything with me you go and make out with ones of my sisters who has a boyfriend!?!? (at the time they were dating for like 5-6 months) And you both til this day hide it from me. But god forbid when I try to move on n talk or dance with someone else you would get jealous and you would cock block… Like seriously!?!?! But me being fucking stupid though “oh heyy maybe he likes me again” then I try to not be that psycho “ex” but still show interest… But no you still ignore me n still acted akward… Then I actually told you that I don’t have a problem with you, and I was hoping that through that we could be friends , but yet again I got shut down. Then one night it seemed like everything was finally turning around for the better… We were able to just stand by each other n just have a good time, but of course that was a one time deal. And then this new girl comes into the picture it’s back to ignoring me again. And it bothered me… But just know that while you’re out smoking and drinking (which is fine because I am guilty of it too) you are doing all the things that you were telling me that you didn’t want to do because of personal situations… And that you didn’t want to be that typical frat boy. Now you suddenly drop all of that for some other girl?? So you gave up on someone who you can have a real conversation with and share things with to go after some girl who likes to get wild and crazy and give it up. And I know I held back a lot of the time but I’m a shy person n when I’m serious about someone I like to take my time to get to know them and not rush into things, but I wasn’t the only one because you also held back. If you would’ve stayed with it just a bit longer you would have realized that I did like you. I’m done waiting around for you to realize it cuz who knows when you finally do I’ll be with someone who already knew. Hopefully all this awkwardness drama can’t finally be put past us and we can be civil n possibly be friends next semester. Great things are happening for me and I’m not going let this or you hold me back

Like what the hell is up with you… You go from not wanting anything to do with me … Then we gradually move to being some what civil. Then when I’m having fun and trying to move on you get all jealous n shit . Now we are back at square one and you are talking about how you want to find someone. Make up your damn mind already! Like don’t act like you still have feelings ( which would be why you get jealous) n then be oh I want someone ( which something I am completely not) are you just trying to fuck with my head n make sure that I’m miserable….seriously?? Figure out what the hell you want!

you hurt me. plain and simple. out of the blue you said you dont have feelings for me anymore, and that was when i thought things were starting to get somewhat serious… and yet i still keep thinking about you, still keep thinking about what was once there between us. i’m holding to that very small, very unlikely chance that you would come back to me and say i’m sorry. i screwed up. and then through a little bit of time things would just work out. and i know in reality this would never ever happen, but i am hoping for the best but expecting the worse…. in other words i’m hoping things will work out between us , but i wouldn’t be suprised if they didn’t.

this song is pretty much how i feel right now( minus the killing the person and himself)

We touch I feel a rush
We clutch it isn’t much
But it’s enough to make me wonder what’s in store for us
It’s lust, it’s torturous
You must be a sorceress ‘cause you just
Did the impossible
Gained my trust don’t play games it’ll be dangerous
If you fuck me over
‘Cause if I get burnt imma show you what it’s like to hurt
‘Cause I been treated like dirt before you
And love is “evol”
Spell it backwards I’ll show you

Nobody knows me I’m cold
Walk down this road all alone
It’s no one’s fault but my own
It’s the path I’ve chosen to go
Frozen as snow I show no emotion whatsoever so
Don’t ask me why I have no love for these motherfucking hoes
Bloodsucking succubuses, what the fuck is up with this?
I’ve tried in this department but I ain’t had no luck with this
It sucks but it’s exactly what I thought it would be
Like trying to start over
I got a hole in my heart, for some kind of emotional rollercoaster
Something I won’t go on ‘til you toy with my emotion, so it’s over
It’s like an explosion every time I hold you, I wasn’t joking when I told you
You take my breath away
You’re a supernova… and I’m a

[Chorus:]
I’m a space bound rocket ship and your heart’s the moon
And I’m aiming right at you
Right at you
Two hundred fifty thousand miles on a clear night in June
And I’m aiming right at you
Right at you
Right at you

[Verse 2:]
I do whatever it takes
When I’m with you I get the shakes
My body aches when I ain’t
With you I have zero strength
There’s no limit on how far I would go
No boundaries, no lengths
Why do we say that until we get that person that we thinks
Gonna be that one and then once we get ‘em it’s never the same?
You want them when they don’t want you
Soon as they do feelings change
It’s not a contest and I ain’t on no conquest for no mate
I wasn’t looking but I stumbled onto you must’ve been fate
But so much is at stake what the fuck does it take
Let’s cut to the chase
But a door shuts in your face
Promise me if I cave in and break and leave myself open
That I won’t be making a mistake
Cause I’m a…

[Chorus]

[Verse 3:]
So after a year and 6 months it’s no longer me that you want
But I love you so much it hurts
Never mistreated you once
I poured my heart out to you
Let down my guard swear to God
I’ll blow my brains in your lap
Lay here and die in your arms
Drop to my knees and I’m pleading
I’m trying to stop you from leaving
You won’t even listen so fuck it
I’m trying to stop you from breathing
I put both hands on your throat
I sit on top of you squeezing
‘Til I snap you neck like a Popsicle stick
Ain’t no possible reason I could think of to let you walk about this house
And let you live
Tears stream down both of my cheeks
Then I let you go and just give
And before I put that gun to my temple
I told you this

[Gunshot]

And I would’ve done anything for you
To show you how much I adored you
But it’s over now
It’s too late to save our love
Just promise me you’ll think of me every time you look up in the sky and see a star ‘cause I’m a

[Chorus:]
I’m a space bound rocket ship and your heart’s the moon
And I’m aiming right at you
Right at you
250 thousand miles on a clear night in June
And I’m so lost without you
Without you
Without you

truthfully i can honestly say that i believe there is no such thing as a “nice guy”… all guys are assholes…some are just more flashy about it than others, or they are just really good liars..

what ever happened to being a gentleman…. or just a good person in general!?!?!!??!

I don’t understand…. Like how in the hell do you attempt to control me but then you can go off and do whatever you want with whoever you want?? Then you go around acting like you want to be with this chick… Are you serious?? First of all major downgrade and second of all good luck trying to make something out of it when there is two weeks left!! Haha let’s see how long that’ll last( my guess not very long) seriously make up your mind…. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. Like if you want to fix things then do so or make a step in doing so cuz quite frankly I do think it has a possibility to be fixed, I can’t because I wasn’t the one who ruined it… So dont just sit back and mope and make my life miserable. If you don’t then that’s fine too just don’t try to control me when I’m having a good time with a dude that is not you.

i am the kind of girl who will laugh at anything, just because it reminds me of something funny. i also will laugh at my own jokes. i’m the kind of girl who sometimes can have a very sarcastic sense of humor, never take anything that i say that sounds somewhat mean seriously, because i’m not and you will know when i am being serious. I nearly almost always smiling! I hate telling people about my problems…they don’t need to worry about me; I’m the one who listens to other people’s problems i am a very caring person, sometimes it may come off to strong , but that is how i am. if i feel you have great potential in something and you aren’t living up to it (either knowingly or not) i will try to help you reach that potential just because i care. i am also a very loving person( this corresponds with caring). when i say love i dont always mean being in love with someone. this could be family, friends, or people i am close to. when i “love” someone it is either all or nothing. and i will do everything i can for them( like push them to full potential)so don’t feel like i’m just trying to control you or be a bitch. i am doing it because i care. And since there is no in-between with me, it usually leaves me open to being hurt, but i continue to do so anyway. i am the kind of girl who is pretty shy when you meet her, especially around boys. I sometimes also hide my feelings rather than express them. i do this for a number of reasons… like for instance i am a visual learner, so therefore i would rather sit back and watch how people handle themselves rather than being the center of attention. another reason is that i’ll admit that i do have trust issues with people in general, but mostly guys. it has to do with my father never being there for me as a child. with the given situation that occurred between my parents my mom did ask him to leave, but he still could’ve been there even without physically being there. which then leads to one of my biggest fears of that a guy leaving me and having the same impact and somewhat abandonment that my father had on me. and yes from time to time i did see my father, but he truly was never there for me, my brother, or my sister and we had to deal with all the b.s. that came with it from when we were 3 and 2 til we were 17-18ish. which at an early age left me the responsibility of being the second adult like figure or role model for my brother and sister.(again leads back to me being caring and loving so much). That is why in relationships I tend to appear stand-off ish. I am the kind of girl who when I make it pretty clear that I am interested in you I would prefer for you to make the first move, because of that fact that it will show me that you are interested in me. Also it gives me the sense of being wanted since I never really felt wanted by the man who was supposed to be there and love me no matter what.  It also makes me feel less vulnerable (which I prefer) since in the past people have used my vulnerability against me. And lastly it is just really attractive when a guy takes initiative; it shows that they know what they want. I am a hopeless romantic. I want to love a guy who is my best friend; that would be my perfect relationship. I’m the kind of girl that even through all the shit I have had in my life I remain optimistic and I still do believe in love. I hate confrontation; I’d rather blow it off than argue about it. I am the girl who forgives easily and it is rare that I will stay mad at a person, unless they really deserve it. But when someone is trying to control me and push me around I WILL stand up for myself! I also tend to see the good in everyone. I am the girl who finds perfection in people’s imperfections. Once you do get to know me and I trust you you will find that I can be a weirdo( but in a good way) and I tend to surprise people with my actions. I am the kind of girl who is humble about things, but if when I do accomplish things I do take pride in it. I am also the kind of girl who can be extremely girly but hang with the boys at the same time… this is just a small insight into who I am.

So I’ll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep
And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe
And I keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are
Hope it’s nice where you are

And I hope the sun shines
And it’s a beautiful day
And something reminds you
You wish you had stayed
You can plan for a change in weather and time
But I never planned on you changing your mind